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casiotone writes.
without you. 
8th-Sep-2008 03:16 pm
ace → gonna make you shake
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Pairing/Characters: TYL!Gokudera/Yamamoto
Rating: I'm pretty sure it's PG.
Words: 540
Warnings: Angst, character death.
Notes: I wrote this while listening to Ára Bátur by Sigur Ros (in about half an hour, haha, so idk if it's any good). And even though it's not really necessary to listen to it while reading the story, I'd recommend it. It's a fantastic song.

And as always, concrit is more than welcome!

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of these boys.


Without You


There's blood everywhere.

And there are hands, pulling him up. Up and away. Away from that face, with its all too familiar scar - like it's been nicked with a very sharp razor. Away from the sword, that's been broken into a million pieces. Away from a smile that's frozen in place (as if to say, 'well, at least you got through fine, Hayato, haha').

And all Gokudera can do is scream.


The Tenth tries to approach him a couple of times that first day. But Gokudera doesn't move, doesn't talk. Shuts the door and shuts his eyes. Just let's that goddamn cancer stick ('Hahaha, you know, if I know how bad that habit was going to get when we were young, I would have tried to make you quit') sit between his forefinger and middle finger. Let's the ashes fall where they may. Waits and hopes that when the cigarette finally burns down (when the glow /burns/ his fingers), it will hurt. That the pain will be like ice in his veins.

Because right now, he's running on nothing but a dull, empty heart beat.


When Gokudera falls asleep for the first time in five days, he dreams.

There's nothing substantial in his dream; nothing alive. Just the hint of a shadow, the sting of a shallow wound. The echo of a heart.

And then there's a laugh.

First it's disbelieving ('haha, you're a funny guy, Gokudera'), it's a little bit trivial, a little fake. It's full of memories before awkward hands and angry nicknames ('let me go, baseball idiot!'). It's a reminder of something that never was.

Then the laugh is fond, open. It's nostalgic. It's a teenage boy's laugh. A teenage boy who plays mafia games. A teenage boy who kisses other teenage boys under a shallow tin roof one Wednesday when the sakura have finally blossomed. A teenage boy who kisses, but gets nothing in return. A teenage boy who turns away, who regrets, who cries - but never stops smiling.

(because that would be losing)

And then it's a completely different kind of laugh. It's husky, breathless. The kind of laugh that speaks of intimacy ('I didn't know you were quite so ticklish there, Hayato'), of stolen minutes in hidden corners in the middle of the night, where death is ripe and alive.

Where death is alive.


And when Gokudera wakes up, the sun is shining. He's lying in the middle of a baseball field. He doesn't remember falling asleep. He doesn't remember ever being awake. He barely even remembers his own name.

But he remembers /his/ face.

He turns his head to the side, and there's The Tenth. There's a bottle of sake, as well. And there's Uri.

And there's the memory of Takeshi. So fragile and brilliant that it makes Gokudera feel like he's not whole anymore. And Gokudera reaches for it, but there's nothing there but air. And so he breathes and breathes and breathes, until his throat is so full, his lungs so dry, that he feels like if he breathes in any more of this air, he'd suffocate.

('haha, I've never seen you out of breath before, Gokudera.')

So he shuts his eyes, and let the memories of being loved (of having loved) overwhelm him completely.

And he tries to remember what it was like to be alive.


8th-Sep-2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
Break my heart will you D;
8th-Sep-2008 01:57 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry, bfgjldkf. ;_____;
8th-Sep-2008 02:51 pm (UTC)
8th-Sep-2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
jhbgfdf, thank you. :3
8th-Sep-2008 02:58 pm (UTC)
Oh, Gokkun.
8th-Sep-2008 03:06 pm (UTC)
8th-Sep-2008 04:27 pm (UTC)
You've killed Yama ;_________; but it was beautiful.
8th-Sep-2008 04:34 pm (UTC)
Agh, don't remind me. ;~; I hate to do it, but I feel like it's one of the things that would actually pull honest emotion out of Gokudera without him being OOC.

Thank you. ♥
8th-Sep-2008 04:38 pm (UTC)
You've already heard this from the others but I'll say it again: it's beautiful. ♥ The awesomeness that you wrote in half an hour beats anything that I can write given all the time in the world. Oh, and I cried. D:
8th-Sep-2008 04:48 pm (UTC)
Wow, I'm very glad you like it. ♥ And it's all about inspiration, I swear, dhbgdjs, I'm sure you could write something just as good. :3 But thank you so much!
8th-Sep-2008 07:44 pm (UTC)
What are you doing writing sad fics and breaking my heart??!

But it's ok, I'll forgive you when you post your smexy icons.

ILU!!! You're so talented ♥
8th-Sep-2008 09:29 pm (UTC)
I can't help it jhbsdf, the ANGST, it's calling me~~ I'll probably try writing some happy!fic next time, to make it all better, haha.

HAHA, I'm glad. I really should get on that.

8th-Sep-2008 07:49 pm (UTC)
Kyaaa D:
So sad ;~;
*pets Gokudera*
And thank you for the angst, i always enjoy it. *thumbs up*
8th-Sep-2008 09:30 pm (UTC)
Haha, we all like a little angst now and again. It makes the good times all the sweeter. :) And thank you!
9th-Sep-2008 11:37 am (UTC)
gokkyun: -watery eyes-
gale: -sniff- Wh-what's the matter, smart ass? -sniff-
gokkyun: NOTHING! -hides teary face-
gale: HAH! You cried!
gokkyun: YOU CRIED TOO!
gale: -wipes face- YOU CRIED MORE!
gokkyun: DID NOT!
gale: DID-GAH! GHOST! -points a Yamamoto-
mocchan: Hi guys! -hugs gokkyun-
gokkyun: O.O
gale: -faints-
mocchan: Uh, is she ok? I came to greet you a happy birthday, btw.. XD
gokkyun: M-M-M-
mocchan: -blinkblink-
mocchan: -blinkblink- O-Okaaaay.. XD
9th-Sep-2008 03:39 pm (UTC)
That's how it should have ended, really. :) I'll bring Yama back in my next fic, I promise~~♥♥♥
9th-Sep-2008 04:12 pm (UTC)

So heartbreaking.

Your writing style is wonderful.

But still heartbreaking.

I was nearly in tears by the end.
10th-Sep-2008 12:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much. ♥
9th-Sep-2008 06:21 pm (UTC)

I... this is... Yama... Gokkun...
;_____________; This made me cry. I'm a mess now.
I think the music went brilliantly with it. This is so amazing, I have no words to describe it.

I-I think I love you. Marry me plz.

10th-Sep-2008 12:28 pm (UTC)
Wow, thanks so much! Your comment made me really happy. :)
9th-Sep-2008 09:24 pm (UTC)
; ; MOAR
10th-Sep-2008 12:28 pm (UTC)
OKAY? :)
(Deleted comment)
10th-Sep-2008 12:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you~
11th-Sep-2008 03:02 am (UTC)
this is absolutely gorgeous. it's so well-written and gets across so much emotion in so few words. which is to say, you pack a punch with the bare minimum. i love writings like that. <3 gorgeous.
12th-Sep-2008 07:59 am (UTC)
Thank you very much. :)
11th-Sep-2008 06:20 am (UTC)
My heart...it breaks. </3
12th-Sep-2008 07:59 am (UTC)
12th-Oct-2008 10:42 pm (UTC)
That was...... *watery eyes* NYOOOO~~~~~

So sad, but very well written. LOvely work <3
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